I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
