i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
