I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
