I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
