it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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