you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
