Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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