I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
