another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
