OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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