Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The uberlube is also flammable
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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