everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
