In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
