You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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