im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
