So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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