Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
