This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
