So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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