don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did we literally take a cab across the street
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
