Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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