Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
