Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it's like iHOP with fire
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
