I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
