Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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