I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
