What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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