Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
