..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
