oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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