I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish I only lived at night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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