i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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