I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
