dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
