Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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