i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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