Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
