Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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