get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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