i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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