I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
