at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
