I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
