He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
