His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
