Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
