I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
