There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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