I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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