This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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