I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
