Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
