I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
