He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
